Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
