i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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