Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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