Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
