Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
