thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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