i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
