official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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