Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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