arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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