Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
