Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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