i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
