if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
