They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize