Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
