i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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