You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
