Slut skills are useful in every country.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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