He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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