Soap is not a condiment
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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