I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
