I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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