my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
