I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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