I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
