He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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