I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
