He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All the doctor said was why
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
