Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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