Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
