Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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