Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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