you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
