did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
