so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
