the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
