come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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