I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
