just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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