Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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