i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
