is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
