she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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