Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize