I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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