If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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