I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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