There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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