My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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