you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
