A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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