Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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