I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
home. puking in laundry basket.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
