i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
