Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
