Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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