you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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