It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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