Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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