Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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