He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
