I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
