Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
