I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
