Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
