hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
