big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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