And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
