Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
