So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I need a burrito and a hug.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
