I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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