The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
