Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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